Kimmy and Julie :: Family Journal

I’m Sorry, Son…

Jonathan boy cried yesterday night again. He could have a reason for crying but I just could not understand it yet.

Yesterday, I put him in his baby cot with the pacifier in his mouth. I pat him to sleep. He lied down quietly while gazing at me. After a while, he started to twist and turn, rubbing his eyes against the soft bed and there it came, the whining and crying. Whenever he cries, he opens his mouth and of course the pacifier fell off from his mouth then he cries even louder. I’ll pick up his pacifier and stuff back in his mouth. When he rejected it, I’ll give him some water. He’ll suckle a while then cry. I gave him the pacifier again but he still cried, then I gave him water but he still cried. I sing to him but that would not calm him down either (not that I have a bad voice, at least better than Daddy). At times I’ll just let him cry to see if he’ll get tired and stop crying. Guess I’m wrong…because he won’t stop crying.

Being a stubborn wife and mother, Darling will pester me to pick him up from the bed. I’m reluctant because I don’t want Jonathan to get used to carrying to sleep. But hearing and looking at him crying (until sniffing) and especially at night (my mom always advise me not to let baby cry too much at night), I have to pick him up. He will stop crying sometimes but still sniffing. After talking sense to him nicely (i.e. It’s already late, Mommy have to work tomorrow. Jonathan is tired, just close your eyes and sleep. Mommy put you down on the bed. Mommy is here, mommy will pat you to sleep and sing song to you. Ok, you don’t like Rock-a-bye, Mommy sing Twinkle Twinkle.) I put him down. Before his back touches the bed, he started crying again. The whole cycle go on and on. Pacifier…water…pat…sing…pick up…put down…cry…

He really tested my patience and only Darling knows how impatient I am. It’s already midnight. I just couldn’t bear with his nuisance so I spanked him on the buttock again. He knows it’s painful that he cried even louder. I made him looked at me straight on the face and lectured him. He knows mommy is scolding him so showed his “tut-tut” mouth.

Every time after I spanked him (only on his buttock or chubby hips) due to his mommy-cannot-understand act, I felt bad the next morning when I sit beside the baby cot looking at him sleeping so soundly, caressing his innocent face, stroking his head. I just wish for a supernatural brain to read his mind and understand his needs.

Jonathan boy, Mommy is sorry for making you cry. Mommy pray for Lord Jesus to teach me to be more patience with you and give me the wisdom in understanding you.