Motivation

Blessed Year of the Bunny

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Chinese New Year is just around the corner. We would like to wish all of you blessed new year. May this year brings your better health, better happyness, better prosperity and better family ties (and of course any other things important in your life). 🙂

Take this time to bond with family members, forgetting the bitter sour of the past, remember the good times spent.”Sorry” is just a word, but by merely uttering it will power the wheels of “Relieve”,  “Happiness”, and “Harmony”.

Happy New Year everyone!

Hospis Malaysia

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When Samantha was first admitted to GHKL due to her 2nd episode of vomiting and that was her 3rd admission since birth. That was when she started to feed via a feeding tube.  We were asked to purchase the feeding machine as both Darling and myself are working in private sector and we do not fall into the low income group. Otherwise we could request for a loan unit from the hospital. The cost of the feeding machine is about RM2k+ to RM4k+.

As we had spent quite a large sum during Samantha’s 1st and 2nd admission in Prince Court Medical Centre, we were quite reluctant to purchase the feeding machine and was requesting if the hospital can give us a loan unit. On the other hand, we were also thinking that Samantha only requires it for short term. We then appealed for a subsidy through GHKL’s Medical Social Work Dept.

While waiting for the appeal which will take quite some time, I then searched the internet for medical equipment suppliers if they have feeding machine on loan. At the end, Hospis Malaysia came into my mind. I called them and my inquiry was transferred to a pharmacist by the name of Aidah. Unfortunately they do not have any feeding machine or pediatric medical equipment.

About 1+ hour later, I received a call from Aidah. She brought me a good news.  She said she then remembered there was an unit of feeding machine at the store from a patient who had passed on. It is still quite new. She said I could loan it for free until if any of their patients needed it.

What surprises me the most was that, how on earth she got my number. I did not leave my contact no. but I did tell her that I have a baby who is admitted to GHKL and requires a feeding machine. She actually made the effort to call up the Pediatric Unit of GHKL and managed to get hold of my no.  So kind of her! God is great, isn’t it? Amen!

The feeding pump loaned from Hospis Malaysia with love

Two weeks after Samantha’s passing, I called up Aidah and informed her that I am returning the feeding machine. That was then Aidah got to know that Samantha had passed on.  We took the opportunity to give a token of appreciation to Hospis Malaysia.

One month later, neither did I expect, instead of receiving just the receipt, it was accompanied with a PERSONALISED letter of appreciation.

We were so touched with their thoughtfulness. They do not know Samantha nor seen her in person but through the letter, I can feel their compassion and care towards not just the patients but also their family.  Tears rolled down my eyes whenever I got to know there are kind souls who love our dear Samantha and care for us.

Without Her…But Having Him(s)

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It has been 2 weeks…

So not used to not having her around. She used to keep me busy – making her milk, sterilizing her bottles, keep watch of her feeding time, administering her medication, bathing her, nappy changing, washing, drying and folding her tiny clothes and organizing her closet.

Missed kissing her, stroking her head admiring her short fine hair, breastfeeding time, massage time, having her chubby cheek resting on my shoulder, watching her sleeping peacefully, cradling her in my arm and singing to her.

Readjusting my life, living without her and to never let the memories of Samantha fade.

In times like this, God’s incredible grace is there to pick us up, to revive lost hope, to heal broken hearts, and to strengthen us.  God has given to me two wonderful man before He gave me Samantha, for a purpose. That is to keep me going and never let me fall today.

I, take u, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse………to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

When the doc told us that Samantha is very ill, Darling and I hold on to each other and said, “Let’s go through this together.” Darling had been very supportive throughout this period of uncertainty and pain. He understands my heart and my need. And now, we have each other to share the emptiness and grieve for our loss.

Samantha @ 2 months

God blessed us with Jonathan to keep us busy. He puts joy and laughter in our heart.  There was no chance for us to drop our tears in front of him.  He now knows that her little sister Samantha is with Jesus.  When asked, he will say, “Samantha is sick and die already. Samantha is in heaven now.” We still talk to him about her little sister Samantha hoping that she will always be in his mind.

Jonathan @ 31 months; Samantha @ 2 months (before her condition started to deteriorate)

Here, we would like to say thank you to all of you for your prayers and concern for our family. I felt so touched by all of your love for Samantha. May God bless you.

What’s Up with Samantha

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Samantha is back home from hospital last Thursday after her readmission for 16 days. We hope the hospital won’t be our second home. It’s quite scary in the hospital as you would see all kinds of patients with some having metabolic disorder like Samantha. The first thing that came to mind is will Samantha be like them? If you know the prognosis of her medical condition, you’ll have the same fear as we do.

In summary, Samantha is suffering from a disorder called Mitochondrial Disease which also caused her lactate acid and PH to be very high. You can read more here as it’s too scientific for me to explained.  This disorder has affected her kidney, liver and brain at this juncture.

Initial abdominal ultrasound could not locate her left kidney and so they suspected that she has only one kidney but latter ultrasound managed to located her left kidney but it is very small. Since her renal profile are quite normal, they will perform a functional test later on her.

Her liver is enlarged. Current size is about 5cm compare to normal size which is about 2cm. The doctor are still monitoring her liver for any liver impairment for liver failure.

We had the MRI brain scan done for Samantha and the result shows that the part of her brain that controls her motor skills are badly affected.  Her eye may be affected as well as the brain controls the eye vision, movement and coordination.

Samantha has to go home with a nasogastric (Ryles) feeding tube.  Not what we expected but at this moment, we can see this is the best for her.  Most importantly, it can help to reduce her vomiting as tube feeding is a gentle way of feeding. She doesn’t have to use much energy as compare to sucking from the bottle because the milk and medicine/vitamin enters her stomach directly.  Tube feeding is common for children with failure to thrive.

Administering medication to her is much easier now as she doesn’t have to get agitated with the horrible taste. Feeding through the Ryles tube requires a feeding infusion pump that controls the delivery rate of the milk (75ml in 3 hours). This will restrict her mobility as she has to be hooked to the feeding pump for at least 3 hours. Another way is to use a Bolus (a type of syringe) but the flow of the milk is faster.

When we looked at other parents with their normal child, we are challenged mentally and emotionally. However, after all these, we are still glad and thankful.  🙂 We are unable to forsee the future and what is the life span for Samantha. What we could do now is to look upon God for His healing powers.  Take things one step at a time and appreciate the moments that we can have with Samantha without neglecting Jonathan.

p/s: To all the mommy bloggers, sorry for not visiting your blog as often as I used to be. Will do that once things are sorted out.

Our Prayer for Our Baby

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When I was conceiving Jonathan, I had this prayer every day. I had it on my office desktop and read this prayer every morning before I start off the day. Indeed, God answered my prayer.

The same prayer for our little one that is somersaulting gracefully in my tummy now.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the blessing of a new life that comes out of our love union.

We ask you to bless and protect our baby, to fill it with your love, your peace and your joy
– to surround this little baby with the warmth of your love.

We ask you to help it grow and develop into the beautiful child you want it to be. And pray that our baby be filled with as much of the life and spirit of God as his little being can receive.

We pray that God’s love and our love pour into this little baby, so that our baby will feel welcome and at home in this world.

Thank you for this baby and for blessing us and entrusting us with this new life. Teach and guide us in taking good care of this little being in my womb.

 We consecrated our baby to God while he is still in the womb; we asked God the Father to accept him as Your children and to protect him from harm.

In Jesus Christ most precious name we pray, AMEN.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Something to Share…

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While I’m still drafting my next post, I would like to post this up on my Cyberhome as a gesture of thank you to someone out there.

She was the first mommy blogger that sent Jonathan pressie on his 1st birthday. That year, we exchanged gifts on our son’s birthday and Christmas. It so happen that both our boys’ birthday falls on the same month and just few days apart.

This year, I reminded myself to send pressie to her son before his birthday. But that never happened because the pregnancy hormone made my memory gone wild and made me restless. And so her boy’s present is still sitting on my desk…unwrap even. Nevertheless, she still remember us. I was happy when she dropped me a note that she’s sending over a pressie for Jonathan’s 2nd birthday. So sweet and thoughtful of her.

My dear friend, I thank God for you. May God bless you and your family with happiness always.