Happy Birthday, Samantha…

My little girl is one year old today.  Wonder if Jesus is throwing a party for her.  She must be the most beautiful child in Heaven today.

Dear Jesus, please help me to give my baby a kiss and a big hug. Tell her Daddy, Mommy and Jonathan kor-kor misses her a lot…



(This is one of the last pic I took of her before her final admission. My favourite pic and we had it on her tombstone. We photoshop away her feeding tube. She was so sweet and perfect.)

Jonathan Starting Pre-School

Once I confirmed his enrolment in a pre-school, I had been brain-washing him for weeks on going to school, his teacher’s name, the school’s name, etc. He was all excited about going to his new school. 

Infact, he is nothing different than most newbies. In the first week of school, he asked me to go to school with him, refused to enter his classroom, wanted me to stay with him, held my hand so tightly, sticked to me and cried when I left him there. But he was alright after some pampering from the teacher and principal. Despite that, he still love to go to school. He would come and tell me, “Mommy, I got school today”.

Second week was a total change of him. He put on his uniform all by himself.  I let him take his own sweet time in buttoning his shirt,  while I make up and dress up for work. He went down from the car willingly and held the teacher’s hand, said good morning to teacher and then waived goodbye to me.

He is into the 3rd month of schooling. This boy of mine is still excited about school and I pray that he will always be. But Mommy and Daddy is so stressed out every morning having to wake up a sleepy head.  I try my best not to make him grumpy else I’ll be late to work for entertaining a grumpy kid. When he got up from the wrong side of the bed, he refuse to bath, laze on the bed/couch, refuse to drink his milk, walk like a old man. When cupid strikes him, he talks, wear uniform on his own, take breakfast, carry his own school bag, wear his own shoe.

Funny things or angry moments happen every morning.  Overall, I am thankful and glad. My boy had stepped in to another phase of childhood.

Blessed Year of the Bunny

Chinese New Year is just around the corner. We would like to wish all of you blessed new year. May this year brings your better health, better happyness, better prosperity and better family ties (and of course any other things important in your life). 🙂

Take this time to bond with family members, forgetting the bitter sour of the past, remember the good times spent.”Sorry” is just a word, but by merely uttering it will power the wheels of “Relieve”,  “Happiness”, and “Harmony”.

Happy New Year everyone!

Hospis Malaysia

When Samantha was first admitted to GHKL due to her 2nd episode of vomiting and that was her 3rd admission since birth. That was when she started to feed via a feeding tube.  We were asked to purchase the feeding machine as both Darling and myself are working in private sector and we do not fall into the low income group. Otherwise we could request for a loan unit from the hospital. The cost of the feeding machine is about RM2k+ to RM4k+.

As we had spent quite a large sum during Samantha’s 1st and 2nd admission in Prince Court Medical Centre, we were quite reluctant to purchase the feeding machine and was requesting if the hospital can give us a loan unit. On the other hand, we were also thinking that Samantha only requires it for short term. We then appealed for a subsidy through GHKL’s Medical Social Work Dept.

While waiting for the appeal which will take quite some time, I then searched the internet for medical equipment suppliers if they have feeding machine on loan. At the end, Hospis Malaysia came into my mind. I called them and my inquiry was transferred to a pharmacist by the name of Aidah. Unfortunately they do not have any feeding machine or pediatric medical equipment.

About 1+ hour later, I received a call from Aidah. She brought me a good news.  She said she then remembered there was an unit of feeding machine at the store from a patient who had passed on. It is still quite new. She said I could loan it for free until if any of their patients needed it.

What surprises me the most was that, how on earth she got my number. I did not leave my contact no. but I did tell her that I have a baby who is admitted to GHKL and requires a feeding machine. She actually made the effort to call up the Pediatric Unit of GHKL and managed to get hold of my no.  So kind of her! God is great, isn’t it? Amen!

The feeding pump loaned from Hospis Malaysia with love

Two weeks after Samantha’s passing, I called up Aidah and informed her that I am returning the feeding machine. That was then Aidah got to know that Samantha had passed on.  We took the opportunity to give a token of appreciation to Hospis Malaysia.

One month later, neither did I expect, instead of receiving just the receipt, it was accompanied with a PERSONALISED letter of appreciation.

We were so touched with their thoughtfulness. They do not know Samantha nor seen her in person but through the letter, I can feel their compassion and care towards not just the patients but also their family.  Tears rolled down my eyes whenever I got to know there are kind souls who love our dear Samantha and care for us.

Blessed Christmas

Despite the loss and time of healing, Christmas is still Christmas, to celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He is always the #1 in our heart and mind.

May God’s love be with you and your family this Christmas. Blessed Christmas to all.

Without Her…But Having Him(s)

It has been 2 weeks…

So not used to not having her around. She used to keep me busy – making her milk, sterilizing her bottles, keep watch of her feeding time, administering her medication, bathing her, nappy changing, washing, drying and folding her tiny clothes and organizing her closet.

Missed kissing her, stroking her head admiring her short fine hair, breastfeeding time, massage time, having her chubby cheek resting on my shoulder, watching her sleeping peacefully, cradling her in my arm and singing to her.

Readjusting my life, living without her and to never let the memories of Samantha fade.

In times like this, God’s incredible grace is there to pick us up, to revive lost hope, to heal broken hearts, and to strengthen us.  God has given to me two wonderful man before He gave me Samantha, for a purpose. That is to keep me going and never let me fall today.

I, take u, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse………to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

When the doc told us that Samantha is very ill, Darling and I hold on to each other and said, “Let’s go through this together.” Darling had been very supportive throughout this period of uncertainty and pain. He understands my heart and my need. And now, we have each other to share the emptiness and grieve for our loss.

Samantha @ 2 months

God blessed us with Jonathan to keep us busy. He puts joy and laughter in our heart.  There was no chance for us to drop our tears in front of him.  He now knows that her little sister Samantha is with Jesus.  When asked, he will say, “Samantha is sick and die already. Samantha is in heaven now.” We still talk to him about her little sister Samantha hoping that she will always be in his mind.

Jonathan @ 31 months; Samantha @ 2 months (before her condition started to deteriorate)

Here, we would like to say thank you to all of you for your prayers and concern for our family. I felt so touched by all of your love for Samantha. May God bless you.

The Way He Puts It

Darling and I were hugging each other…

Jon: *beating Daddy* Mommy, Daddy naughty.
Me: Why Daddy naughty?
Jon: Because Daddy cannot love you. continue reading…

For Daddy’s Little Girl…

Moments with you were priceless,
Thank you Samantha for your presence in our lives.

Though you were a little not well,
Daddy, Mommy, Ah Ma and Po Po care for you restlessly,
hoping in our hearts you’ll be comfortable all the time.

Jonathan kor-kor miss you very much,
He still thinks that you are in the hospital.
He’ll understand one day that you’re with Jesus now.

Aunties and uncles will always remember you in their heart.

It will be heartaching for Mommy and Daddy when putting away your things and toys.
Daddy and Mommy will continue to draw strength from the Lord.
We will be blessing other babies with your stuff,
We hope you don’t mind.

Dr. Choy, Dr. Winnie and Dr. Shanti cares for you very much,
Do bless them so that they could care for other Mitochondrial babies too.

Samantha, your pain and sickness is now no more,
Jesus has taken care of that,
Enjoy your time with Jesus while waiting for Daddy and Mommy.

God will now continue to write your diary,
Do show to Daddy, Mommy and Jonathan kor-kor when we see you then.

Rest well our darling baby, you will be dearly missed.
Though you are far away from us, you are always close to our heart.
We loves you always.

~ Daddy

Goodbye Samantha…

Indeed God loves her more than we do. Thank you all for your prayers.

She is now in God’s good hand. No more pain, no more fear but joy and peace of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Will be bringing her back to Sitiawan tomorrow, to her Daddy and Mommy’s hometown, for burial.

Samantha…Daddy, Mommy & Jonathan kor-kor loves you. You will be missed dearly…

Prayer Request for Samantha

We know many of you out there are constantly praying for Samantha. We appreciate that and may God bless you. Please continue to pray for Samantha that she may be able to pull through this time and get well eventually.

We admitted her to GHKL yesterday after noticing her breathing rapidly and lethargic. She was not her usual self and she looks weaker and not responding much. Her condition is not getting much better today. Her blood test results are worsening and she doesn’t seems well clinically.